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Posted by on in Personal and Diary


Empty. Cold. Numb. Drained and Frightened. How you feel when you realize clearly you were with evil. Touched by its dirty, filthy, yellowed- stained unkempt overgrown fingernails. Looked into the eyes with its toothless, hollow, lying grin. How could you have stayed with it so long? How could you have trusted it again, how could evil be in so many forms? In a form that worked so hard to make itself look good. The signs were there, the young innocents claiming corruption and betrayal and victimization. The pathetic played with wives and their foolish ignorant husbands. The admiring giggles at its obvious madness and hypocrisy. The great brags it makes and its everlasting endeavor to prove itself innocent, true, and superior. The over righteous fathers, friends, and champions pleading their cause. Everytime they warned you, you went back to evil to hear his side. You almost saw the truth. But you choose to believe the lie. To believe that something you wanted to be real so badly, something that you needed to be real was when it wasn’t. When you first saw it you knew it was bad, wrong, disgusting and you needed to escape, but you convinced yourself. Gave it the very excuses it used with you, made for it the lies it used to win you. Why? Because you needed something you couldn’t find, because you played with the fire before, evil was something you never faced for what it was but something that you had grown to know, something that had hurt you deep. A pain that you trusted, a pain that was familiar. But your body knew, it wouldn’t let you completely surrender. It knew that the nasty smoked filled lungs that kissed and forced you to cover over its nasty smell with alcohol was not for you. Somehow you would never accept that evil was your final choice.

But somehow unknown circumstances and forces set you free, how did you become so fortunate? You are the victim type, the one that let’s yourself be played, the prey to the hunter. You are nothing special, only the victim that brought on the obsession, so how did you escape? Because the truth is that unless you remove yourself from the con, and the lie you can never possibly see the truth. Once you are out you can see it so clearly, watch evil reenact all its devices and machinations all over again. I guess the entertainment world warns us when it portrays and plays out all the sadistic things that people think and do. Sadly you didn’t heed the warnings, the subtle hints in the world’s creative outlets that show all facets of the human soul. You ignored the blatant real-life proof of the others who the evil touched. Then you watched as evil used the lies to portray them as crazy, washed-up, drunk, jealous and manipulative turned on you. Now you were the crazy one. That’s when evil smacked you with an unexpected left hook right in the face; you suddenly had a full realization of truth and could see it for what it truly was. Of everything you had with it nothing was real, nothing was true. You were no longer the special one the different one that made evil look better, evil found its new partner, because you refused to play it’s game.

The funny thing is evil keeps all its trophies. Boasts of its triumphs. Actually tells you of its insatiable greed and lust and what it hopes to get from its current victims, how it could share the gain with you. Make you like itself, its lover. Warns you that it will try to come back for you when the current victim is used up unless you want to play with him and his current willing victims now. Evil wants everyone.So technically no one has to fall for it. Actually sometimes evil just finds itself. Evil starts out with lies and excuses then it finally says so what and makes sure you’re the crazy one. It collects pieces of its victims, personal intimate details that it shares and uses to its own advantage to weaken the minds of those that surrounds it. Interestingly evil doesn’t hide this filthiness it lets you find it and tries to make you a part of it, make you believe you’re the cause of it. Makes you wonder if evil believes its own lies. It titillates, and satisfies the curiosity seekers. It’s a car wreck, the twisted violated, innocent, and not so innocent, the damaged and the causalities. It’s all horrible but somehow you were fascinated and you couldn’t look away.

Once you’ve played with evil there is nothing that you can do. You can't be friends with it, and try to look for the good, because there is none. You are corrupted in some way. It touched you and you are tainted. You can just be grateful that you have the choice to walk away. Let it fester and leak its own putrid puss all over its self and whoever it touches next. Shake off the dirt and dust- heal your own wounds. Just remember it will always try to stab you, suck you back in, use its evil twisted lies to make you look bad, to corrupt and convince who it is touching now, and who it will touch next. Just be happy you know the truth, the evil is gone, and be aware the next time it shows its ugly face.

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There Logo

 When closed it's door on March 9th 2010 for many it felt like the world was ending. And it was, at least the virtual world they had grown to love and express themselves in. was different, it wasn't like any other online community or game. It was a real home to a group that calls themselves "Thereians" or "Therian's". This online community has a spirit~ a determination to stick together, to be together, and back then a single goal to find a virtual home to replace the one they lost. When There first closed it was chaos, tears and denial. People were displaced very much like people lost after a natural disaster or a devastating war. All they could do was stay together and hope to see their world or another world like There again. It was a natural course for people to gather at places like which saw rises in activity and other There inspired websites. But the biggest gathering of Thereians and the biggest impact was on Facebook, an online net-working site.

Facebook was flooded with people who had names with There and their former avatar in it. People who hadn't made a facebook account for There made one and began to suddenly add anyone that was from Other virtual sites saw this as potential. Thousand's of people begging Michael Wilson to re-open in many ways, ranging from gratefulness, anger, threats, and outright desperation to have their virtual home back, looked like a potential market to other virtual worlds. The recruiting began. Personally I was offered  monies to "represent" a virtual world. I listened to the CEO of a virtual site ask me if I would write for and represent them as softlydreaming. Another group wanted to buy my "likeness". I was stunned, and so hurt my world was gone, I basically told them the truth. No matter what they offered me it would not be, so no thank you. I mourned There, I cried, I wanted the impossible, for There to be back. 

Some Thereian's accepted offers and tried to make a new There for us. I looked at those sites and hoped too. Call me cynical or insightful but I couldn't embrace them. I wanted to be with therians, not just some, but ALL of them and no other world could offer me that. I will say I enjoyed venturing into other worlds and meeting fellow Thereians. I went into second life a total of three times and was shocked at the Therians I met who instantly bonded to me and any other person from that crossed their world. In Second Life Thereians made duda beach, There t-shirts and everything else they could think of to make themselves feel like they were back in the virtual home they missed. Eventually I stopped being nostalgic, stopped crying, stopped pouring over memories and moved on to make my own virtual life. Even so when I met a Thereien in a new game or world there was an instant bond. It was a family, being home feel something no other world could offer.

Why is so different? Was it the safeguards? The fact that you could publicly demand recourse for griefing? The amazing creative ability, the fact the community had its' own voice? The paintball, buggy racing? Or that the cartoon avatar's seemed real as if they were just a part of you? It's hard to understand why There is so different that people are so willing to fight for it, to fight for it's spirit. Ask anyone from There who made another world their home. It's not the same. Whether it's the walking dead like feel with danger around the corner of Second Life or the kiddie feel of Onverse or outrage of world's that promise to be There but never open, nothing is a real substitute for

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Hmm' it seems I spent my entire THERE existence as the other-half of a virtual couple. When I was fresh in THERE only a few weeks I met Percy and had my own personal guide to,we ended up being in a friendship/relationship that lasted almost my whole experience in THERE. Living 1000's of miles apart (Boston to London) THERE was our world. After THERE ended we ended. Now THERE is back and Percy is happy with his new fiance' (congratz btw) and I'm standing in THERE wondering what to do with myself. Well now I know what the "Happening Now" schedule is for! Turns out RaceSmart is having a party, I love driving so that sounds great. It's at BambooCrater Xtreme 4x4 Park...oooh Tuv's. Looking at the party go-ers profiles I saw many in a club called guinea pigs. Right now we all are Beta Testers because the world isn't fully open. But people like RaceSmart beta tested as soon as THERE2 started getting ready. She was amazed and grateful to be chosen, and her and Zip (living in the same house) saw it all first hand and got to share exciting bits with us.RaceSmart talked more about Beta-testing before the Gold Fun Passes got in. She was surprised at the ones that were exclusively chosen to participate, but felt the choices represented a wide variety of Theriens and were well made. They ranged from people like virtual site owner Thumdar, moviemaker/gameshow host Francis_7, to her friend who said: I can't believe they picked me all I do is paintball. At the party people also discussed compasses (you have to download b-boy...Bedican that's the one). I told them I didn't have one. Go to you'll find everything you need I was told. More people showed up including Korben who took me for wild ride on the track, including getting stuck in the JND platform which he said always happens. lol' Just when I thought the party was over Korben took me to paint the THERE town red (or purple you might say). We played Crack when I said I never did before and met up with a lot of Theriens, and the night was so much fun, one of the best I spent in THERE, so good thing I found out what was "Happening Now"!

4x4 Park

Party with RaceSmart telling us that after a while people didn't know if it was her or Zip talking. Doh'

racesmart talking

wild ride

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Posted by on in Personal and Diary

 It's funny how you can be struck with waves of happiness, pure utter joy. Kind of how you feel when you see incredible beauty surrounding you in nature. Watching a sunset on the ocean from a cliff overlooking the splashing white waves. Being in the water itself just floating on your back with the sunshine warmly kissing your face. If it's because of life circumstances that joy strikes you such as a promotion, a new lover, an long-awaited accomplishment it makes sense. But when it just happens in your everyday existence and fills you with strength and health it's something so very different.  When it happens because of something inside, when all feels right with your life, with the decisions you made and you find true peace it is incredibly amazing. Sometimes things come full circle. Life has a way of hitting you hard and when it stops shaking you relentlessly it is so sweet. One time I got caught in a traffic jam in the Holland tunnel in New York city and what was normally something you just went through without thinking about became something almost intolerable. I smelled the diesel fuel which I hadn't noticed before, I stared at the ceiling thinking about the ocean crashing through, worried about the possibility of accidents and the length of time we would all be stuck there. That's how it is with life, we can feel trapped by our circumstances without a way out. When the traffic let up and we moved after 45 minutes I was so happy to be free, almost ecstatic. Sometimes life sets you free. It's suddenly good, peaceful, amazing. Periodically you laugh, naturally, spontaneously, and genuinely. It's like the movies we have all seen. Everything starts out beautiful, seemingly happy but something is nagging, lurking, breathing dangerously in the background. WE see it all happening to the the victim and we just want to scream and shake them and say no don't trust them, don't go in that room, run! And of course they don't. We watch helplessly as someone methodically tries to take their happiness, and drain every ounce of their life away. But they fight back, maybe not the way we would but they struggle and they win. The victim and the agressor always get into a physical struggle, and they are often at some perilous height about to lose their life. It looks like the perpertrator is winning and then by some miracle the main character we have come to know and are rooting for is on top.They are at the cliff with their opponent about to fall and they have a choice: to save the enemy's life or just let go. Whether it's memories of when the nemisis was nicer or just their respect of life they try to help them. Then the killer suddenly has a new knife and stabs their arm and hand and trys to pull them over. And then they do the only possible thing they can they just let go. At that point everything was tried, explored and exhausted. And now they are truly happy with no guilt, shame or remorse. Never to be in fear again. Circumstances have changed, there is unexpected relief and hope. Joy hits them and someone says something sweet or funny and they laugh, they just laugh. Maybe a just a little more than the sweet peaceful moment calls for, but we understand, we know why and we laugh with them.

Tagged in: softly softlydreaming
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Posted by on in Personal and Diary

 An American writer once said "cure for an Obsession: get another one." Some people say it's healthy. You get an idea in your head and you just can't let go. You work at that project, that dream until it's real, until it's amazing. You long for your results. Admiration of what you've accomplished, will accomplish and an unrelenting desire spurs you on. That is good, in a way. When people tell you your dream is impossible you don't let it stop you. Leonardo Da Vinci added single strokes to his paintings for years and refused to give certain comissioned artwork to the owner, continuing to perfect it. Was he obsessed- yes. Yet he became one of the greatest masters of all time. We find obsession is in all of us... so powerful and so dangerous. Actually the most famous love stories of all time explore obsession. What is scary is when the obsession is not an idea or a project but it's you. It's a person. Someone just can't let you go and you find that it's gone on for so long your not sure if you truly want to be free. Sometimes it's simple obsession you just need a situation resolved, people will go to extra-ordinary lengths for the apology they believe the are entitled to, or the revenge they can't stop themselves from exacting. They sit by the phone waiting for that new or old love to call and then get disapointed~ but can't stop hoping. That's simple. When it's not so simple that's when it scares you so deep inside. When the obsession turns to stalking, and you try to stop them but they won't. The only thing you can hope for is they will fixate on something else because if they don't... the unspeakable may happen. What makes a mind do this can't really be determined. Some say there is an unseen attraction between the dominated and dominator. Some polar magnetism that attracts and repels marking the tension between the stalker and his prey. So the innocent mouse in it's panic and fear moves in such a way as to excite the cat to play with it to either an accidental demise or a frustrated viscous deliberate death blow. Interestingly the cat may actually become bored or distracted. And the injured mouse may or may not have the strength to run away. That predator can suddenly stop being interested. Leaving you to hope they can and will get another obsession, finally stop stop looking at you. Then you would be free, at least for a while...


Tagged in: softly softlydreaming
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